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Anniversary post: Why you should get married young

February 28, 2015

This post is dedicated to my creative, strong, protective, loyal, talented, muso husband.

A wise friend made this remark when I celebrated my first wedding anniversary. “That’s a milestone in today’s society!”

Tomorrow is our second year anniversary and we get to celebrate another milestone in our journey. This is the reason why couples post wedding anniversary updates on Facebook. It is a day that is worth all the celebration and toasts and gift giving.

Last night I reflected on how things have progressed since our wedding day.

This week there were many times where we did things that annoyed each other. There were also many times where we had the opportunity to get upset and angered due to late nights at work, early mornings and failed plans.

After working late the day before and having to do a 4.45am airport run, I was irritable due to the lack of sleep.

He on the other hand had to wait at the airport for a quarter of an hour when he too was tired because my project deadline was on the same day and I had to rush to get work done before I was able to pick him up.

In our first year of marriage, we would have been letting out our frustrations on one another. This time, we chose to look past the conflict, reducing arguments that would not have been productive, instead focusing on keeping the peace in our relationship.

Things have changed for the better. Time is one of the reasons; another reason is because we are both young and malleable. I am a huge advocate for young marriages. I believe that this is something that people should strive for and here’s why.

Memories are collected together from the very start of your journey.

There is a support system for achieving your goals. You also get to start working towards them sooner. 

Personalities are more malleable and you grow to tolerate each other.

Your goals and aims in life start to converge and you have two instead of one working in synergy towards the same outcome. There is strength in a cord of two.

You have less emotional baggage to work through with your spouse.

You have more time to work out differences before starting a family.

This is not to say that I think marriage at a young age is superior, but this is a case for those that are apprehensive about tying themselves down at a young age. There are a lot of benefits to it, so just go ahead and do it!

Love

What marriage looks like in your early 20s

November 6, 2014

Marriage in your early twenties is not for everyone, but if it is something that you are considering, here is a little snapshot of what life may look like.

Pre-marriage

  1. After your husband-to-be posts your “She said yes!” photo on Facebook, you get all kinds of congratulations messages coupled with exclamations of how shocked they are at your engagement.
  1. A few months and even years into your marriage, you still get acquaintances telling you how shocked they were when they first saw your engagement on Facebook.
  1. One workmate directly asks if you are pregnant. Another workmate wonders out loud if you are a Christian. They then start half-joking about how you are making the worst mistake in your life.
  1. You are conflicted as to how much to spend on a wedding dress because you know you can’t justify spending $3000 plus for a dress, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
  1. You politely ask for cash gifts instead of a wedding registry because you don’t own a home and have nowhere to place your new household gifts in your new rental.
  1. You start planning your wedding and realize that you have no idea what you want for your wedding because you never had the experience the planning of other weddings, nor did you think you were going to get married this soon.

Post-marriage

  1. You notice that none of your existing friends are married yet and you proceed to start befriending other married couples.
  1. You do the rounds of inviting all your friends over for dinner at your new home, because well, that is what married couples do.
  1. Everyone who comes over asks if you own the house that you are living at. You flat out deny that, because you could not have afforded a wedding, a honeymoon and a house all at one go with your meager salary.
  1. Your friends ask you if you are going to have babies soon. About a year into your marriage, your mom hints that she has been getting questions about whether she is going to be a grandmother soon. You tell her and your friends no.
  1. In the first year of marriage, you don’t get to save a lot of money, because you end up spending more money going on road trips and holidays.
  1. Your first time being part of a bridal party you are the matron-of-honor, and you realise how old that makes you sound.
  1. When someone has to guess your age, they guess that you are at least 5 years older than your actual age just because you told them that you are married. Other times you tell someone you just met that you are married, and they say, “ Wow, you look so young!” You wonder what that is supposed to mean.
  1. You find yourself spending all of your Friday or Saturday night ironing your husband’s clothes and chuckle at how life has changed since you got married.
  1. You are in bed snuggling with your husband who is fast asleep and think to yourself what a good catch he is. You still get mushy with love sometimes but it’s a different love to when you are dating as this is a deep bond that is irreversible, a commitment that the two of you have vowed to make last.
  1. There are nights where you have fought and are unable to sleep all night. You wish the bed would just split in two, as you cannot even stand touching his leg hair. You consider sleeping on the floor.
  1. There are dramatic moments and dull moments in your marriage, but you ride each wave as it comes and goes and learn to be grateful that you are building memories of a lifetime together.
  1. There are seasons where you play the role of his biggest cheerleader in seeing him realise his dream; other times he does the house chores so that you can chase yours. The most important thing is that you learn to be each other’s biggest support, no matter what may come and go.
  1. He challenges your limited perspective and bad habits; you sulk and react by throwing tantrums like a child. He is patient in telling you off for doing so and tells you that he loves you. You finally come to the realisation that what he said was true and you start crying because you had a sudden epiphany that you are a horrible person to live with. You are so fortunate that someone even wanted to marry you.
  1. All in all, despite all the other uncertainties that you have in your life, you are glad that you have one thing that is constant and you know that this is no doubt one of the best decisions you have made in your life thus far.
Love

4 Attitudes that helped lead me down the Path of Marriage

October 30, 2014

1.  I had to decide early on what I wanted in life.

At one point before I decided to seriously date my husband, I got so paralysed by the weight of the decision that I had to spend some time reflecting on what I really wanted in life.  The choice of your spouse is a hefty decision, it will impact where you live in the future, how you spend your christmases and basically every aspect of your life.  It is true that it is better to be single than to marry the wrong person.  Do you know what kind of life you want to live?

2.  I chose to compromise on things that didn’t matter in the long run.

In all marriages, there will be some sort of compromise that you will have to make, simply because all of us are flawed human beings.  What will you choose to compromise on?  Is he shorter than your expected dreamy hunk of 180cm, but has great leadership qualities?  Is he quiet when you only wanted to date extroverts, but is able to speak up with depth when it is expected of him?  In other words, I chose to stand firm on my non-negotiables such as character and similarities in life values, but learned to let go of other unrealistic & selfish expectations.  Are you willing to make compromises?

3.  I had a good support network that walked me through those big decisions.

My parents and sister played a big part in my decision of my future spouse.  While I am fortunate to have a loving and supportive family, many don’t, so seek out people around you who have walked their relationship journey well and ask for wise counsel.  I still hold on to one piece of advice that my mom gave me at the time: life is simple but it is humans that over-complicate it, by wanting this and that that are not important, so learn to live a simple life.  Do you have a confidant that can also be good counsel?

4.  I was over playing the dating field.

By the time I broke up with my first boyfriend (who then went on to be my husband) I knew I didn’t want to just date for fun.  My next relationship would be my husband – so I only got into a relationship if I could see myself married to him.  Is he husband material?